Katie “Had It All”. She was the General Counsel at a Fortune 1000 company, was leading a team of 50+ lawyers, and had a significant 6 figure salary that almost dipped into 7 figures with her bonus. She had an amazing home, a successful husband, and two beautiful children. Katie enjoyed spending time with her family, holidays traveling and beautiful clothes. By all accounts, she had made it, she had it all, and was living her dream. But she still felt dissatisfied with life. If you asked her, Katie would say she was moderately successful and still climbing the corporate ladder.
Madelyn had always dreamed about being an entrepreneur. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to do, but she wanted to build her own business. After a few years in the corporate world, she saved enough money to start her own boutique. The boutique did well and was profitable from day one. Madelyn went on to open another location and continue to grow, even developing her own line of pajamas. Things seemed to be going amazingly well, and for the most part, she was happy with how the business was performing, but she felt stuck and unsure where to go from there.
Two different paths; two different success stories; two women who don’t seem to realize what we can all see. What could be holding these two brilliant women back from jumping up and down with sheer joy over their amazing lives and careers?
It’s pretty simple, but we see it happen time and time again: the definition of success.
Success alludes us when we have not clearly defined what success means to us. Success is not a “one-size-fits-all” destination. It is not even “one-size-fits-most.” Success relies on our perception, which is often very specific.
What is the definition of success?
“Success is the state or condition of meeting a defined range of expectations…. The criteria for success depend on context, and may be relative to a particular observer or belief system”. Wikipedia
The second half of Wikipedia’s definition is the key. Success really depends on our own, personal viewpoint. For some people, simply having a safe place to eat and a regular paycheck would be success. For others, it might be a million dollar annual income.
Katie and Madelyn had spent years working on their careers, developing skills, and building businesses. But they hadn’t sat down to define what success might look like. Each milestone they hit was just checking the box and then they would be on to the next milestone.
The pinnacle is hard to really understand unless you have seen it. If you have ever climbed a mountain without researching it, you may know: not every summit is breathtaking. Some summits are buried around a bunch of other summits. If you climb a mountain and expect to see this gorgeous vista, where the view goes on for miles, and you end at the top of a peak with a bunch of rocks and trees, you may wonder if you have actually arrived. Success is no different.
An expanded definition of SUCCESS
When I was in high school, I thought success meant having a fancy car. It was simple, shallow, and showy….just like most teens and young adults (but I don’t mean you, because if you are a young adult here, clearly you are ahead in life!).
As we think about our lives as a whole, the vision of success evolves, hopefully, just like we do as people. We need a new formula for defining success.
Dictionary.com defines success as:
- the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors; the accomplishment of one’s goals.
- the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like.
- a performance or achievement that is marked by success, as by the attainment of honors.
The issue that many women are faced with is focusing on what the WORLD perceives as success. And the World generally focuses on 2 and 3 above: wealth, status, power, or high honors.
You must not be focused on that though. Isn’t that why you are here? Even Katie and Madelyn, who by the World’s standards were successful, didn’t FEEL successful. The problem with relying on the standards defined in 2 and 3 is that it suggests that your life isn’t successful if you haven’t hit these targets. That YOU are not successful. That.is.BULL. We don’t need someone else to tell us whether or not we are a success. Its not a thing. Its a state of being. We have to make our own definitions.
How do we define success for ourselves?
It starts with the power and the knowledge to truly understand that success is on your own terms. Success simply means achieving what you want. What YOU want.
So what do you want? Do you want a closet full of designer handbags? Do you want full flexibility in your daily schedule? Do you want a powerful political position? Do you want to be a stay-at-home mom/wife/whatever? Do you want a real estate portfolio? Do you want to run a business? Do you want to live in the forest, off the grid, and forage for wild mushrooms weekly?
Whatever YOUR dream is, thats it. You can literally write the equation yourself. Spend time writing down what you want. Then rank them to figure out the most important. If you have a long list of wants, see if you can compress them into bigger categories. Then, start working on your equation.
Success = Financial Security + Freedom of Schedule + Ability to Travel + Family
You deserve to be fulfilled. Happiness is all around us. Can you call yourself truly successful if you aren’t fulfilled and happy? Can you be truly fulfilled and happy if you keep slaving away at building a business or career to meet some vague idea of success that wasn’t even your idea to begin with?
We have to focus inward, think about what we want. Not worry about what we SHOULD do for the outward appearance or expectations that were projected on us by others. If where you are today is not where you want to be, change it. But before you make a move, think about what success would look like. Try on a new definition, and see where that leads. You may find that you are right where you need and want to be, you just needed to give it a new name, a new definition.
The road to success is a long one, and a great place to start and end, is through our own, personalized definition of success.
“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” – – Herman Cain